Flirt with him. Be playful, tease him, talk sexy once in a while, gaze into his eyes with a “come here, big boy” twinkle, offer sexy kisses and physical touches. Why do we think we can quit doing the things we did when we were first falling in love and expect our relationship to stay strong? The relationships that endure are those where the couple stays “in love”. That means flirting, being playful, being sexy and sensual, and remembering why we fell in love in the first place. Benefit to you: You’ll both feel younger, friskier, and more in love. Why it works: Flirting is a kind of play and playfulness helps cement your bond. And adding the sexual energy to the mix keeps the sexual side of your relationship alive and vibrant. Remember this, when the sexual side of your relationship dies, you become roommates at best.

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You are right. As I was looking at your advice I was in my head trying to imagine what would have happened if I had applied this to a bad relationship that I have just come out of. The answer is that I think I did try many of those tactics but my partner was disrespectful and abusive and no advice no matter how good it was would have changed that. Walking away from an argument would have helped but it would not have solved anything long term. This advice is to be followed if I ever meet someone who is mature and worth entering into and working to maintain a healthy mutually loving relationship with. I hope your other reader takes that advice to.

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Give him romantic kisses instead of pecks. Long hello kisses tell him you’re glad to see him, long good-bye kisses tell him you can’t wait until he returns, long thank-you kisses tell him you really appreciate what he did for you, and “hey you, kiss me” kisses tell him you want him. Benefit to you: He’ll feel more connected to you and look forward to being with you. Why it works: Physical connection is the only way most men know how to be intimate and intimacy is what makes your relationship special.

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I found out on Christmas Day that my husband of 28 years has been carrying on a long distance 12 year emotional affair with one of our casual friends. She really was not a friend of mine but I could tell there was an attraction between this woman and my husband. I found a text message on Christmas Day of 2010 and I asked him about it and initially he denied it and then lied about who this was. He had her phone no in his cell phone contact list under a fake name. After several talks he finally admitted that they had been keeping in contact with each other since our kids were little and denies any physical contact.He says they were just friends and he does admit to keeping this relationship a secret from me. He did not want me to know they were talking. When I asked him why he says she was easy to talk to. Our marriage during this time was distant and now I know why. Needless to say I am devastated and hurt and feel very betrayed. He wants to make the marriage work but Im not sure I can ever trust him again. What to do?

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Appreciate him often, especially for his masculine qualities and those things you know he likes about himself, things he’s proud of. Examples could be: “I really appreciate what a nice home you’ve been able to give us, thank you so much,” or, “I love how strong you are. I like watching you work,” or, “The way you make love to me is so perfect, mmmmmm.” Benefit to you: He’ll fall in love each time you do it and you’ll make him feel like a hero. (The last secret in Men Made Easy is “A man wants to be with a woman who makes him feel like a man.”) Why it works: Men compete with other men and need to measure up. You can validate his worth as a man.

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